shitposting: coffee

[tielan]

Mmm, coffee.

Add one more addict to the list. I don't generally mind the roast, prefer sweet to bitter, and will try to drink any grind as a latte⁽¹⁾.

ANY. GRIND.

This causes conniptions among the purists, who insist that a single origin coffee must be drunk short and black with no sugar.

It's not bad like that, but I still prefer it with the milk.

I have been to 'cuppings' (coffee tastings) where you take a tiny mouthful of coffee, swish it around your mouth to get the flavour, and spit out the rest because it's not supposed to be drunk it's just supposed to be a taster. This is how buyers choose the bean blends that they'll buy for their companies. One time I went to the cupping of a Gesha coffee (rare, and grown at extremely high elevations), and it was beautiful as a cup, but when the barista asked if I wanted to try it as a latte, I said YES and it was possibly one of the best damn cups of coffee I've ever had.

I will drink brew coffee whether hot (what Americans know as the drip pot) or cold (which is brewed in a contraption that looks like it belongs in a traditional rendition of a mad scientist's lap), espresso (the big machine at the cafe with the barista - like Starbucks, only with a barista who knows your name, your order, and that you went away on the weekend - because they asked after your weekend plans on Friday while frothing the milk), and the freeze dried instant.

Actually, my home coffee used to be the freeze-dried instant; heat up a mug of milk in the microwave (Australians don't scorn the microwave for heating milk; just water) add a spoon of coffee and a spoon of sugar and a splash of cream (as in, actual pouring cream), stir and drink. ALL GOOD.

Lately, I've been buying bags of single origin from the place where I got my morning coffee back when I was working 30 minutes away from home. You buy the bag of beans, they grind it there and seal it back up (snaplock) and you take it home.

While I like the French press style of coffee, those plungers are a pain in the ass to clean. So I didn't bother with coffee grinds at home. However, after visiting my father and stepmother in Vietnam, I got hold of a Vietnamese style coffee drip, and it's AMAZING. It's is small and compact and easy to wash out, and the used coffee grinds can be neatly tapped into in the compost. However, I use cow's milk mostly, rather than the sweetened condensed milk that the Vietnamese love. That much sugar just isn't good for me.

Coffee in Australia is a funny thing - we got our coffee culture from the Greeks and Italians back in the 50s; they brought their espresso machines, and while it wasn't a huge thing until the 90s, it was still present. So when the US reporting team on the Sydney 2000 Olympics were reported to have imported ALL THE STARBUCKS COFFEE because they couldn't survive without their coffee, we sneered. A lot.

(Oh, come on. As I told an American working in our office once: "I cheer for Australia, and anyone who's playing America." You should have seen the steam coming out his ears...)

Anyway, Australia is reputedly the only place in the world where Starbucks has failed.

Why Australians Hate Starbucks.



1. A 'latte' in Australia is the standard coffee drink that you get from a cafe - it does not come from a Starbucks, whatever your American sensibilities tell you - Starbucks is NOT COFFEE. Don't make me come for you on this.

Comments

[theladyscribe]

Ha, Starbucks also (largely) failed in Egypt, for different reasons. There's an Egyptian coffee chain called Cilantro which is as ubiquitous there as Starbucks is elsewhere. I think Starbucks has infiltrated now, but for many years, they couldn't get a foothold because the people interested in chain coffee were all going to Cilantro.

[velithya]

are we not supposed to heat water in a microwave?

<.<

>.>

[thothmes]

No one in their right mind hits a big chain outlet for coffee if they can hit a local independent, even here in America. Around here it's the Mont Vert Café, across the river in Hanover, NH, it's The Brown Dirt Cowboy. Starbucks is for the interstate highway rest stops, and airports.

Why then does Starbucks thrive here? Because Americans are not as laid back, and we are very used to the drive through/fast food model. We will (alas!) settle for impersonal service and bad food or drink to get it fast, and better still, to go. Americans have some of the highest productivity in the world, and much of that is because our workers have come to accept being overscheduled and unable to escape our jobs, working the salaried hours, but also being available by email, text, and phone 24/7/365. Being good cogs in the corporate machine, the kind of behavior that gets you noticed and promoted, leaves you little time for passing the time with your barista.

The problem we face today, and part of what lies behind the insanity that led to our current President, is that an increasing proportion of our population, undereducated by their underfunded school systems, unable to get into the Starbucks swilling class, is working two and three jobs at Starbucks, at McDonalds, or at Walmart, and dealing with food insecurity, trouble paying rent, and the possibility of disastrous medical bills. We practice one of the purest forms of Capitalism here, and it is cruel.

[deird1]

I wish I did like coffee, because it looks so interesting. And yes, those cold brew contraptions really are bizarre.

Alas, I am a tea drinker to my very core. :)