B1 again, but something different

[tielan]

B1 is planning to go to the UK to watch the Ashes this year, and hasn't booked anywhere to stay yet (sigh). She hasn't even booked her air ticket.

I'm not sure she quite comprehends that it won't be as easy as just 'finding somewhere to stay'. If she's going to watch the Ashes matches, then all the good places are going to get booked up really fast, and what's left that's safe will be expensive.

She's never been overseas before where someone wasn't waiting to pick her up from the airport. And I don't know if she's levelled with herself that she might have to scramble for safe accomodation, or that people who say they're safe might not be. Plus, B1 doesn't deal with abrupt changes in plans well. She settles in a groove and is resistant to anything outside that groove and...

I know that she's capable and can be resourceful, but I feel Peak Big Sister right now. It doesn't help that I have all the horror news and Twitter stories in my head surrounding women (young or otherwise) who travelled alone and weren't prepared when situations struck, or had no-one to turn to. And, like I said, B2 is not great with curve balls, and I feel like she's inclined to be too trusting because most of the people we've known in our lives have been trustworthy.

It doesn't help that on Sunday, at CNY dinner, stepdad made the comment that "she needs to get onto that" which is almost guaranteed to get B1's back up and make her resistant to actually doing it. Also, she's likely to use "I need to finish my report (with the needy client)" as an excuse, or tell herself that her 'reward' for finishing will be to book her tickets.

Which, NO. OH HELL NO. Not when the client called her four times yesterday between 4pm and 8pm, and has sent her a half-dozen emails over the weekend, each of them wanting B1 to contact her ASAP.

She needs to start the booking/accomodation process ASAP, irrespective of her client. Particularly in locations where she's going to be seeing the Ashes matches, and will need somewhere to stay.

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I spotted a tumblr post yesterday that described doing things ahead of time as "being kind to your future self". eg. making lunch for tomorrow, prepping dinner ahead of time, putting things away after a shop, going to sleep early. All this is "being kind to your future self" because sometimes it's difficult for us to conceive the future cost of our procrastination today.

(And boy, is that a metaphor for climate action or WHAT?)

Anyway, B1 is not typically kind to her future self.

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BTW, if you have any stories of siblings or friends who went and came back safely, I would love to hear them. I know the horror stories are a teeny tiny percent, but they're most of what's out there and they're freaking me the fuck out. I need the assurance that things can turn out okay, too.

Comments

[adafrog]

Oh man. {{{hugs}}}
I agree with making plans is being kind to yourself.

[tielan]

It's such a good way to phrase it! And by making it "your future self", it creates an 'other person' that people who might not be kind to themselves would consider being kind to instead...

[adafrog]

Good point. I often thank my yesterday self for something. Or tell myself that my tomorrow self will be happy. :)

[spiffikins]

described doing things ahead of time as "being kind to your future self". eg. making lunch for tomorrow, prepping dinner ahead of time,

There have been SO many times when today-me is SO HAPPY with past-me for doing something that makes my life today easier :D "being kind to your future self" is a really good way to put it!

I had no idea what the Ashes was - so I googled. It sounds like not only are accomodations in London/Manchester/Birmingham likely to be an issue - but getting tickets to thoe matches themselves sounds like a stressful thing!

Has she considered going with a tour group? It will likely be more expensive - but it would make sure she had a place to stay and would actually get to go to all the matches?

[tielan]

See, I don't find advance-prep too difficult to do, but also I don't really have executive dysfunction. But it is nice to do things and then realise later that it was foresightful to do it earlier!

Has she considered going with a tour group?

I don't think so. She's got tickets to at least two of the games in two different cities, so she has to find some good accomodation there. (And the sooner the better, IMO.)

We had a discussion last night, and that helped me a little. But I also gave her a couple of new ideas about how to navigate things.

[spiffikins]

But it is nice to do things and then realise later that it was foresightful to do it earlier!

For me, it's usually putting in effort to make yummy food on the weekend, and then all week it's easy for me to just heat something up when I'm working all day and don't want to have to think about cooking.

The other thing that I appreciate is when past-me puts something in a "safe place" - and it's actually a helpful thing and is the obvious place where I go to *look* for it, when I need it :D

[facethestrange]

"I need the assurance that things can turn out okay, too."
As the baby sister myself, I can tell you that yes they can! :) What I did is honestly complicated and personal, but... I did it. And even if she needs to learn from this experience, it doesn't mean she's going to be unsafe, maybe just inconvenienced or pissed off. :)

[tielan]

Thank you.

See, I get inconvenienced or pissed off, but in my head, she ends up unsafe... Which I know is not necessarily logical, but that's how my brain paints it...

[wpadmirer]

ARGH.

I like the idea of being kind to your future self.

I have no such stories as my sister does not travel. Pat and I haven't been to England since the 90s. I send massive good vibes that she gets her act together and is very safe.

[tielan]

Isn't it a great way of phrasing it?

And thank you! We had a chat last night and I am a little eased. But still slightly nervous...

[ringsandcoffee]

After my friend and I went to the UK in 2015, she went again 3 times on her own. Once mainly to London, once to Scotland, and once to Ireland. Booked AirBNBs and even rental cars. So, it's possible to safely travel that region as a single woman.

I adhere to that being kind to my future self thing. But at the time, sometimes, I hate the effort. My favorite thing I do for future self is freezing half the baked goods I make, or half the batch of cookie dough, to randomly find later.

[tielan]

I know it's possible to safely travel: I've done it myself. My concern is B1 and all the things she might encounter. I'm not used to her going off and adventuring...