I am not here

[tielan]

My sister criticised my writing this evening. She's not a critic. She doesn't even read any of the genres I write.

It still stings.

And comes hard on the heels of one of my latest 'failures to launch' - yet another fandom where I can write long stories that a mere handful will read and even fewer will respond to.

I know I'm not a brilliant writer. Possibly not even a good one. I just want to tell stories.

But sometimes it feels like the stories I want to tell have no listeners. And what's a storyteller without an audience?

Comments

[beatrice_otter]

You're a very good writer. The fact that your tastes in pairing and characters don't match those of the majority of fandom doesn't change the fact that your stories are well written and enjoyable for those who do share that preference. And now I feel guilty; I read and enjoyed both of your recent Merlin stories, but I'm pretty sure I didn't comment.

[tielan]

I read and enjoyed both of your recent Merlin stories, but I'm pretty sure I didn't comment.

And this is the story of my life.

I'm apparently a great writer! But nobody wants to comment on my work! Yeah, great writer.

[beatrice_otter]

The vast majority of people who read a story never comment on it. It sucks. When I look at story stats on archives, most stories have been read a couple thousand times, and have only a couple of reviews. It has very little to do, actually, with the quality of the story.

[haruka]

Try to write just to entertain yourself. If you enjoy reading you write, that's the most important thing.

I do understand that comments on fics make writers happy (I know they do me), but ultimately, yours is the only opinion that counts.

[tielan]

At one level, it's easy to say that. On the other the only benchmark I have of success/failure on a story is response from fandom.

And my responses from fandom are always lukewarm. Whether it's fic or meta or general interactions in threads, I don't get responses. People don't want to talk to me. They don't want to let me know I did well. They don't want to rec me.

If I think I'm awesome but the world thinks I'm a loser, then doesn't the world possiby have a teensy weensy point?

[haruka]

Everyone is the world is going to have their own opinion, and you'll never please everyone.

I write because I can't NOT write. I wrote long before there was an internet, when I didn't have any friends to show it to. I've tried to get those novels published, with no success. Do I think they suck? No, not at all. They just aren't what those people are looking for.

I get disappointed when people don't respond to my fanfiction, but I've found that no response doesn't mean people aren't reading. I put counters on every chapter and the return readers keep coming back, they're just too lazy to write a quick message. It's frustrating, and I've tried yelling, begging, threatening -- it doesn't work.

That's why I say that ultimately you have to write for you alone and just have fun with it. Share it, yes, but keep the mindset that this is your fun world and you're just being generous enough to let them peek into it and maybe have fun with you if they choose to. If they don't, it's their loss.

Btw, there's a neat community on LJ: http://community.livejournal.com/comment_fic/ which is good for just writing little bits of fic in the comments with prompts. It's a good place to write short pieces when that's all you feel like doing, or if you're low on inspiration.

[skieswideopen]

It's hard writing the less popular pairings, especially in fandoms which have one strongly dominant pairing that nearly everyone seems to love. SGA has so many people who refuse to read anything that isn't McShep, and I get the impression that Merlin may be shaping up along similar lines, and really, there's nothing quite as disheartening as seeing mediocre stories receive pages and pages of comments because they contain the dominant pairing and happen to hit a kink popular with fans (e.g., poor, abused, misunderstood, heart-of-gold Rodney) while fantastic stories with rarer pairings go unread. Sadly, I don't think there's any way to change that; it seems to be the nature of those fandoms.

For what it's worth, I love your writing. I don't watch Merlin so I haven't read those stories, but your SGA and Star Trek stories are wonderful.

[tielan]

Arthur/Gwen in Merlin. It's got a pretty good following. And clearly, my writing still sucks.

[skieswideopen]

And clearly, my writing still sucks.

I don't think that's what that means.

One of the projects I'd like to do for a post-doc (assuming I ever finish my dissertation) would be to study how people decide what fanfic to read, given the huge quantity and the paucity of editorial commentary. I suspect quality won't turn out to be the determining factor.

And isn't Arthur/Merlin the really dominant pairing in that fandom?

[tielan]

Arthur/Merlin is the dominant pairing, yes; but Arthur/Gwen has become reasonably popular, too. Sort of the Sam/Jack to the Sam/Daniel of SG1.

[stealthymuse]

I like reading your fics. In fact, I've read stories by you which feature ships I don't usually get into, and enjoyed them immensely. Don't let it get you down.

[tielan]

See, I get told this every time. It's just...depressing after a while. Especially when it's a pattern of people generally not responding to anything you put out there, whether fic or meta or even answered fic requests.

There's a point at which I feel like even attempting to interact is more bother than it's worth.

[thothmes]

You know, I probably won't end up responding to most of what you write now that you have mostly moved on from the SG-1verse, because as a busy Mom of 4, I don't watch a great deal of TV, so I don't develop a huge stable of fandoms. But I subscribed to you precisely because you are a good writer, and I have enjoyed enormously the things of yours that you have written. If I do happen to fall into a fandom you follow, I very much do want to read your stuff.

Now go back and look, and see how much feedback you have gotten from me. Practically none. That is because I have only just begun to do so, because I finally got it through my thick head that this is a do-unto-others issue, and that if I like feedback on my work, then I had better be prepared to reciprocate. But rest assured that for everyone who gives feedback, there are a host of silent lurkers.

My dad's a published writer, and boy has that made me ultrachickenshit about showing him anything I've ever written, because one negative comment from him would wipe out all the positive feedback I could ever receive. We love family, and we grant them a level of trust that we don't grant others, so when they cut us, it is in places that are vital and deep, and we truly bleed. Sometimes they don't understand how vulnerable this makes us, and they make an offhand comment, without any comprehension of how wounding it is.

Trust me. I learned how to overcritique literature at my daddy's knee. You're good. Please feel better. When you publish an original story professionally, I'll be one of the people preordering on Amazon.

Edited because "and" and "an"? Not the same thing.