writing despair

[tielan]

I feel like I'm failing at writing on all fronts right now. Neither energy nor inspiration nor words nor encouragement.

My profic feels flat - uninspiring and insipid. I can do better, I'm just struggling to work out how. And I hate writing 'drafts'. I'm so used to writing 'the finished thing' for fanfic that I find it a struggle to write something that I know doesn't work with the intent of making it better.

I'm still in a pairing that was more or less killed off a year ago, for a character that most people can't even remember exists, in a fandom that the people I interact with on DW have long since discarded (or else are gung-ho for pairings and dynamics and characters I don't care for).

And I've just restarted this section of Sharp Evening Stars And Bright Morning Flame, the sedoretu fic I've been working on for FOREVER. I switched from Maria's POV to Natasha's POV, but I feel like it's taking too long to get to the action, or that I've skipped over information I need to keep in there.

I'm overthinking it. This is a problem when I've had an idea for too long - it gets tangled up in the various iterations. (Also possibly why I don't like drafts.)

*grr*

Comments

[alexseanchai]

*sympathy*

[tielan]

Thank you. I'm just so jack tired of being stuck!

[rootsofthestories]

Oh look, that sedoretu is a thing I didn't realize I needed until RIGHT NOW!

In other news, hi, I understand all these feelings and if you ever need an enabling person to encourage you, I volunteer.

[tielan]

THanks so much for that offer! I might end up using you as a beta so I can be sure that I haven't skipped major plot points that I have in my head but not in the text...

[rootsofthestories]

I'm definitely not the best beta in the world but I can give it a try if you'd like. And, if nothing else, I can be a cheerleader and hopefully help that way.

[beatrice_otter]

Do you have to do drafts for profic? Like, why does your process for that have to be different than your process for fanfic?

[tielan]

I don't have to, but everyone seems to take the attitude of "just get the words out, you can change it in the next draft!"

[beatrice_otter]

I have never, in my entire life, seen any piece of writing advice that was universally applicable. For many people, that is good advice. It is not for me. And I wonder how much of it is a leftover from the days before word processors, when in order to do pretty much any revisions besides the occasional word altered here or there, you had to retype/rewrite and had a completely new draft? Because that's a whole different process than anything I've ever done, having learned to write on word processors. I've never had specific draft stages where there is a major line separating anything. I have one document, which evolves until it is finished.

[bridgetmkennitt]

My condolences. <3 Writing is hard work, no matter what sort it is, and it can be tough trying to pull yourself forward. But you got this!

And I hate writing 'drafts'.

Ditto, for anything I write. It's like...building a garden. I don't mind changing cosmetic details, but a major overhaul after the fact? No, just no. I rather do that in the moment, which is why I don't like drafts. Let me do that stuff now.

[tielan]

Thank you! I'm just so tired right now...

If I don't change it now, I never will. Fanfics and profics alike tend to fall by the wayside until I have the core of the story.

[havocthecat]

I sent an email to your Yahoo account, if you're still using that, with a question related to pro fic.

[tielan]

Saw it, answered it. I just never finished a manuscript. The stories are all there in my head (clogging up my brain) I just can't seem to keep my faith long enough to get them out.

[geckoholic]

The sedoretu is not as buggy as you think it is, I assure you. ♥ It just feels that way right now.

Also I'm kinda sorry for being one of the people who are currently on an (unplanned and, I am sure, temporary) vacation from Marvel at large, and writing more of your OTP in particular. Fannish butterfly, argh. /o\

[tielan]

No, I fully understand and sympathise with the vacation! I'm kind of in a vacation myself - haven't been on Tumblr in ages.

I'm just a little burned and little tired, and this story has been grating on my nerves for a really long time and I want it finished and nobody's playing ball. I'm going to be doing a lot of plotting and planning today...

[geckoholic]

I do have a Sam/Bucky story up next for RBB soooooo here's to rewatching the Cap movies and see what happens beyond that. XD

It's good though, and you'll get it done. I believe in you and that fic. *\o/*

[tielan]

I'm currently in the throes of a Fandom 5K pinch hit I picked up. Due in another 2 days, currently sitting at 1K, and it needs to be 5K. I have an awful feeling it will reach closer to 10K...

[geckoholic]

I swear that exchange is cursed; I picked up an early pinch hit and had to hand it back because I got an intense case of the brain weasels and couldn't get it up to par at all. Urgh. Good luck for yours!