yesterday was A Day

[tielan]

And not because of COVID.

Yesterday, while working, I heard a THUD out in the street.

I looked out, saw a car stopped, and just behind it, a furry tail flicking. Someone had run over a neighbour's cat.

I ran out, but the waving must have been her dying throes, because there was no life left in her. The neighbour (actually the neighbour's sister who is staying with her) came out and saw her pet, and screamed. The driver had driven on. The neighbour picked her cat off the side of the road and set her on the grassy verge, screaming with grief.

I went for a cardboard box to put the pet in, and got some sand to put down on the blood all over the road. The cat was buried later in the afternoon, and the neighbour came over to thank me just before I was heading out to make a delivery of food for the local 'halfway house' and picking up a few things myself.

I don't remember the car, I was too focused on the animal. The car was also obscured by a parked car, so all I saw was the flicking tail and the car that had maybe stopped. Maybe they stopped further down the road; I have vague memories of a car that looked like it had stopped, and a few people who'd come out. But otherwise...nothing.

--

To be honest, I've been expecting something like this to happen for a while. There's a park that's frequented by kids parties and creche meetings down the road, and a walkway that runs between three parallel streets half a house up from me. Sometimes I see little kids skid to a stop at the end of the pathway, right before it hits the road. A number of smallies have stacked in the grassy patches to either side of the path, but tbe path itself crosses the road before continuing on past my street to the next.

I just thought it would be a kid's body curled up on the ground. A cat isn't better, but at least people would stop for that, and maybe drivers might think about going a little slower.

I posted the accident on the local group; somewhat snarkily. I was pissed off that the driver didn't stop, and also grumpy that people were speeding down the road.

The comments I saw were mostly sympathetic. There were the usual cat-haters, and the people who feel that grief is only to be allowed where moral standards are upheld (ie. "the outdoors cat probably killed many native animals, therefore it shouldn't be mourned" and "someone who really cared about their cat would keep it indoors").

I didn't get to read them all - I was driving errands. But by the time I got home and looked at the post, it had been deleted by a mod with the note for the group's "Rule 1: be kind and respectful". Kind and respectful to whom, exactly? The driver who had so little respect for a woman's grief that they didn't so much as stop?

I'd put up a more personal FB post, and screenshotted the local group post in the comments. Most of my friends couldn't find the disrespect in the post, but then, it is entirely possible that there's a fairly good reason they're my friends...

Anyway, the bit that is nagging at me is how few church people I would have expected to see comment on my personal post. Not that I'm in any way the life of the church party, as I discovered late last week when it turned out the minister who manages our service was convalescing at home with a COVID diagnosis. I mean, I am waaaaaaay out of these circles, but it did sting a bit. Like, is there an SMS-tree that I am simply not on?

At least one of the mods of the local FB group is from my church. And the post vanished SO FAST and with absolutely no comment to me. I was wondering if maybe the driver was someone the mod knows, likely with kids in the car, doesn't want to answer questions or face recriminations, and, IDK, asked for the post to be taken down. Suburban soccer moms, you know...

That's my conspiracy theorist talking. I know it's probably as simple as me starting the post with

Dear person who ran over the cat in [street] this afternoon, I hope you reached where you were going in good time, seeing as you didn't stop and check on the animal you killed.

Anyway, I find myself sitting at my desk and computer today, feeling more than a little discombobulated as I stare out the window, looking up at every car that speeds past, flinching at every bump and clatter and scrape of a car fender on a too-high driveway.

'Trauma' seems like the wrong description for it, but it's certainly unsettling.

Comments

[beatrice_otter]

Ooof. That's rough.

[tielan]

It's been a couple of not!great days.

[thothmes]

I live on a paved rural road that is marked at 50 mph [80 in kilometers] and between towns. Vehicles are on the way from one place to another and focused on the goal. There is no way to walk for exercise from my home without walking a minimum of a half mile on this road. I’m a night owl, and sometimes I get caught up in something, lose track of time and emerge to find that it is first light. One of these times I looked up and realized not only would it soon be light, but I had not yet done my exercise for the day, which simply did not fit into the jigsaw puzzle of getting kids where they needed to go and feed them on a particularly busy day. It was a temperate summer night close to midsummer, so I slipped on shoes and headed out the door and up the hill in the last of the dark, under a clear moonless night with the stars in their glory but fading fast with the greying of dawn. The roads were a largely empty of traffic, I moved along briskly, and as the light came on, I began to see the occasional car, but as it was high summer, it was still way too early for most people to be up and on the road. By the time I was heading down the half mile hill to my house it was the first full light of a clear, cloudless day. Part way down there was a small lump in the far lane that had not been there when I had been heading out. I went and stood there in the street for a moment to look down on a small perfect coyote pup, no visible injuries or blood, but clearly dead. Which of the cars that passed me hit it? I’ll never know. I looked around to see if mom was around, but coyotes can be so stealthy, I don’t suppose I’d ever know if she were, because there was lots of brush and tree cover to hide in. Poor perfect pup, so very young.

That moment, that picture, has lingered in my mind, and it is not one of those that time will fade. It was one wild animal, in an area where cars move fast, and unless they hit something large, a deer, a bear, or occasionally causing the great peril to the driver, a moose, they seldom stop. It was an expectable casualty in the battle of wildlife to survive an environment where humanity dominates.

But it haunts me, and I only saw the aftermath. You saw the actual moment, you were witness to the first moments of the owner’s shock and grief. You stepped in to deal with the practicalities of the body, the gore, and the human aftermath. And that was before you dealt with all the social implications of neighborhood and Facebook chats. It is no wonder you are shaken, and no wonder you were frustrated in your tone on that post. The driver caused real pain, not to mention death, and did not stop to deal with the consequences of their actions. Considering the gravity of those consequences, I don’t think you were out of line. I also think it’s possible that your post was taken down not for what you said in isolation, but because in the time that you were doing other things, the mix of comments on it made it clear to the moderator that the thread as a whole was not a model of neighbors building a sense of community, but instead a growing picture of taking sides, some siding with the owner and the cat, others identifying with the driver or belonging to the “it’s just a cat!” contingent, and removed the whole thing to maintain the illusion of togetherness. Humanity is messy, and the moderator may simply be someone who doesn’t chose to deal with that.

Regardless of what the moderator’s reasoning, I’m so very sorry about what was clearly an unpleasant day all around, and one of those that will linger. For what it’s worth, I treasure the people like you in my neighborhood who see trouble and head out to help. They are what makes a neighborhood good.

[thothmes]

Edited becawz I kan reed and spel. Reely I kan!

[tielan]

You saw the actual moment, you were witness to the first moments of the owner’s shock and grief. You stepped in to deal with the practicalities of the body, the gore, and the human aftermath. And that was before you dealt with all the social implications of neighborhood and Facebook chats. It is no wonder you are shaken, and no wonder you were frustrated in your tone on that post. The driver caused real pain, not to mention death, and did not stop to deal with the consequences of their actions. Considering the gravity of those consequences, I don’t think you were out of line.

This is... Thank you. It helped to have it put that way, to hear it laid out. I really appreciate that.

[thothmes]

You are very welcome.

[lytwriter]

Trauma is a fine word for it. It isn't severe trauma, but when it haunts you, it's some sort of trauma. I've heard the sound car wrecks I've witnessed echoing in my mind for days. It's okay to not be okay after something like this. It means you're a good person who cares.

Also, as someone who often has to be the one who deals with upsetting things alone because no one else seems able, it's so hard to be the "strong" one. I sometimes used to wonder if there was something wrong with me because I was the one who, instead of falling apart, dealt with the practical side of life's messiness. Then I realized that I just couldn't stand to see the hard things not dealt with properly. I think we have that in common. It doesn't hurt any less, but not doing it right would hurt more.