a realisation I just made

[tielan]

Well, not 'just' because I'm pretty darn sure I don't have ADHD. But just one more thing about time/planning blindness; if nobody has made plans and I have a reasonable certainty of being the only person making that decision, I will make a decision for the group.

And then, if someone pulls hard against it - ie. they really don't like that decision, I will make the decision in their favour. Because sometimes what people need to do is work out what it is they don't want before they get to what they do want.

Most of the time, I don't mind where we go. I might have a preference, but I'm flexible about destinations. And if I really don't want to engage in something, I'm not going to put myself through it. Or I'll cut it off - a bit like my stepdad when he starts getting on his high horse.

Oh, mental note. Avoid stepdad for a couple of weeks at least.

Also: get vaccinations so I can see the NEPHLET who is apparently already SINGING TO HIMSELF. At a day old? Is that even possible? (Plus side: his lungs apparently work quite well! Yay!)

Comments

[spiffikins]

what people need to do is work out what it is they don't want before they get to what they do want.

This is so true. My friend T did this with her dad - after her mom passed and she had to deal with all of the things, she said to her dad - we should talk about what *you* want in terms of a funeral, and burial/cremation and service etc?

He was like "oh hell no, we're not discussing this!" but she pushed - saying she needed to know what he wanted, in order to make sure it was right?

He declared that he DID NOT CARE!

So the next time she saw him, she said, ok, so since you don't care - here's what I will do - I will have you cremated, and we'll do a service releasing your ashes into the ocean, and we'll have a service at this church.

Funny thing - a few weeks later, he gave her a BINDER full of VERY SPECIFIC things that he wanted - he wanted to be buried, in THIS casket, at THIS cemetary and he wanted THIS kind of service at THIS location.

Turns out, he really DID care!

Hooray for singing infants!

[tielan]

Heh, your friend T sounds practical - which I think we should be a lot more pragmatic and practical around death: it's not like any of us are going to escape it.

I'm rather glad the parentals have got their wills and plans set out. I have to do a bit more research on mine; if I could, I'd get basically composted - "natural burial" I think they call it - but it's difficult and there are laws around it, etc. because human remains.

But yeah, sometimes you have to go through the options and discover things you don't want.

[timespirt]

Congrats on the new Nephlet.

"HUGS"

[tielan]

Not my work, but thank you!

[gingicat]

I have ADHD and I'm still the decision-maker half the time. *sigh*

[tielan]

Oh, that's hard.

I was reading a post about someone's husband's family being the ADHD (in)decisive/timeblind sort and how she finds it really frustrating.

[rmc28]

Something really nice about this holiday I'm just finishing is discovering buddy A is also the "make a decision, move people along" type, and when she was around, herding our subgroup got so much easier.

(Also she found and sorted accom when I was too busy to, and the hostel she found for post-tournament has been amazing)