*feels tempted to give lecture on big jewish noses and slavic indicators* *decides against it because hairsplitting is what got us in here in the first place*
I do think that not all "this is how I see it" is necessarily malicious and an exercise in trying to make it all about yourself.
I do get that there are times when it feels along the lines of:
Person A: (stunned) My mother just died Person B: I know what pain feels like. Did I tell you yet about how when my dog died? Let me tell you all about it!
But other times, I guess to me its just human nature to seek things you have in common. Even if they are indefinitely smaller versions of the real thing. But to me that's just how the mind works. You seek something you can understand and you try to extrapolate it. But you still need that first stone to step on.
Just like, if person A is telling you about how their mother just died, of course you listen and you hold their hand. But you can't really do that forever. At one point you are going to talk to them (though the point might not have been reached yet). And at least for me, when I'm talking to somebody in that situation, I do usually insert things like "This is how I dealt with it" or "This is how somebody I know experienced it". To me, that's how building bridges works. That's how communication eventually works.
I guess I'm trying to say not all of it is ill-natured even in those cases when our tendency to want to be wise-ass comes through (which indeed does deserve to be slapped down. A lot. Hard.).
And there is the other side to it, namely that white people talking to white people might on occasion be good for them. Even if it is boring to POC and therefore maybe should be done in seclusion where POC don't have to read through it while we still try to sort our thoughts.
(visual: POC (roughly 500 steps ahead): Are you coming now or not? WP: Be right up, I'm still tying my shoelaces.
(5 hours later)
POC: You know, I'm beginning to suspect that you are just stalling. WP: *gets huffy and gives a lecture on the importance and history of tying shoelaces while POC bangs head against the wall? )
no subject
I do think that not all "this is how I see it" is necessarily malicious and an exercise in trying to make it all about yourself.
I do get that there are times when it feels along the lines of:
Person A: (stunned) My mother just died
Person B: I know what pain feels like. Did I tell you yet about how when my dog died? Let me tell you all about it!
But other times, I guess to me its just human nature to seek things you have in common. Even if they are indefinitely smaller versions of the real thing. But to me that's just how the mind works. You seek something you can understand and you try to extrapolate it. But you still need that first stone to step on.
Just like, if person A is telling you about how their mother just died, of course you listen and you hold their hand. But you can't really do that forever. At one point you are going to talk to them (though the point might not have been reached yet). And at least for me, when I'm talking to somebody in that situation, I do usually insert things like "This is how I dealt with it" or "This is how somebody I know experienced it". To me, that's how building bridges works. That's how communication eventually works.
I guess I'm trying to say not all of it is ill-natured even in those cases when our tendency to want to be wise-ass comes through (which indeed does deserve to be slapped down. A lot. Hard.).
And there is the other side to it, namely that white people talking to white people might on occasion be good for them. Even if it is boring to POC and therefore maybe should be done in seclusion where POC don't have to read through it while we still try to sort our thoughts.
(visual:
POC (roughly 500 steps ahead): Are you coming now or not?
WP: Be right up, I'm still tying my shoelaces.
(5 hours later)
POC: You know, I'm beginning to suspect that you are just stalling.
WP: *gets huffy and gives a lecture on the importance and history of tying shoelaces while POC bangs head against the wall?
)