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B1 went for a COVID test yesterday (she felt a little sick, and in our country/state, it's recommended you get tested if you have the slightest symptoms) but what that means is that unless she gets negative results before midday I won't be able to attend my hockey presentation aftermoon.
I know it's a small and selfish thing and I'm a terrible person for wanting to spend the afternoon with friends. Blah Blah Blah Go Fuck yourself with a rusty spork, thanks.
They said 24 hours - she's an essential health worker (elderly/disabled carer) so she should get them back this morning - but I'm anxious and nervous and frustrated and just when we thought we might be on top, new cases of COVID have turned up in the state, several of them untraced.
I am tired.
The neighbours have returned so I won't have to feed their cat any longer. But she is happy and healthy and demanding, and they are delighted.
Hainan chicken is not getting better and we've run out of the anti-inflammatory. Still supposed to be giving her the antibiotic (until it runs out - another week maybe), but she is decidedly Not Happy about this.
Work on Friday was exceedingly stressful, with one part "things not working right", one part "not having the necessary access to do the job", and one part "people looking over my shoulder and giving me advice" and one part "me feeling like an idiot because almost every other person on this project is male and you know what that means for a woman in a technical job".
I feel solitary and alone and really really tired, and in my worse moments like people are just being 'nice' again. If I could 'blip' myself out of existence, like I'd never even been, I would. No pain, no suffering, just gone and nobody would have to miss me and you'd never even notice that I was gone. God, that would be a fucking relief. Nobody responsible, nobody to have to feel like a burden for, nobody to have to carry around all the time like a sack of stones.
I'm sure this, too, shall pass. Maybe.
Until then, jog along, old mare.
I know it's a small and selfish thing and I'm a terrible person for wanting to spend the afternoon with friends. Blah Blah Blah Go Fuck yourself with a rusty spork, thanks.
They said 24 hours - she's an essential health worker (elderly/disabled carer) so she should get them back this morning - but I'm anxious and nervous and frustrated and just when we thought we might be on top, new cases of COVID have turned up in the state, several of them untraced.
I am tired.
The neighbours have returned so I won't have to feed their cat any longer. But she is happy and healthy and demanding, and they are delighted.
Hainan chicken is not getting better and we've run out of the anti-inflammatory. Still supposed to be giving her the antibiotic (until it runs out - another week maybe), but she is decidedly Not Happy about this.
Work on Friday was exceedingly stressful, with one part "things not working right", one part "not having the necessary access to do the job", and one part "people looking over my shoulder and giving me advice" and one part "me feeling like an idiot because almost every other person on this project is male and you know what that means for a woman in a technical job".
I feel solitary and alone and really really tired, and in my worse moments like people are just being 'nice' again. If I could 'blip' myself out of existence, like I'd never even been, I would. No pain, no suffering, just gone and nobody would have to miss me and you'd never even notice that I was gone. God, that would be a fucking relief. Nobody responsible, nobody to have to feel like a burden for, nobody to have to carry around all the time like a sack of stones.
I'm sure this, too, shall pass. Maybe.
Until then, jog along, old mare.