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TITLE: Amends and Promises
Disclaimers in Part One
Part Two
Amends and Promises
Part Three
The answer is yes.
John tried not to think about what the question had been.
It was difficult, particularly since it appeared that several of the nursing staff had overheard the exchange, seen Teyla leave the room with a flush on her cheeks, and seen Ronan leave the room with a smug smile on his face a little while later.
Neither of John's teammates were at dinner.
His imagination happily painted pictures that his mind didn't want to entertain and he stared out, off the terrace where he sat at a table alone.
Sometimes our feelings surprise us.
He knew how that went. It wasn't the feelings that were wrong, it was how a man acted on them. He wouldn't have acted on them in any case. Teyla was a teammate and friend, someone who trusted him. John didn't want to lose that.
"Do you mind if I sit here?" Elizabeth indicated the seat opposite him, and he gestured at it with one hand.
"Be my guest." At least with Elizabeth he could be reasonably sure that she wasn't going to talk gossip.
She set down her tray, seated herself, and promptly proved him right. "Major Lorne and his team returned with both 'jumpers," she said. "He said the damage to the spaceport was...impressive."
John half-smiled. "Those drones do an impressive job."
"He and his team also collected up a few bits and pieces that were lying around the place before they left."
There was a question in her statement and John answered it. "Yeah, well, we were kind of busy at the time. No chance to look around." He looked at her. "Anything interesting?"
"Nothing yet." She tilted her head a little to the side, "Then again, Rodney's usually the person most anxious to get hold of anything and everything related to the Ancients."
Which was another reason that they hadn't come back with anything: John had been more worried about his team than about acquisition - other than the new ships, of course.
"Has Beckett said anything?"
She shook her head. "Not yet, but he says the stunners can be hard on an overtaxed body - and you know what Rodney was doing last night."
John grimaced. His teammate had been working on new power designs for the defence chair and had ignored John's prompting at nine and midnight to go to bed. This morning, John had walked into the labs, unsurprised to find the scientist slumped over his mousepad, with the cord leaving a wavy trail across Rodney's cheek.
"We need some kind of drug to use on the scientists when they get too enthusiastic about their discoveries," John said. "Knockout drops, or something to tone them down."
"Keep in mind that anything you suggest can and probably will be used against you," Elizabeth replied dryly. "The scientific contingent isn't the only one with a tendency to overwork." She studied him with green eyes that saw past his casual expression to the tension in his pose. "You're looking tired yourself."
"I'm fine," he said, aiming for an airy tone of voice.
She raised her eyebrows briefly, and then returned to her dinner. "I hear that things might be getting a little more serious between Teyla and Ronan."
John took the question as innocuous. He hadn't mentioned kissing Teyla to anyone, and he was pretty sure she wouldn't have mentioned it to anyone else. "I don't ask," he said shortly. "It's their business, not mine."
"Well, you might have to mention to them the rules regarding fraternisation in the expedition," Elizabeth said, her voice still even.
"They're not expedition personnel."
"Well, no, not exactly," Elizabeth allowed. "But they're still on your team. Atlantis is a lot more lenient than the SGC, John, but there would still be concerns."
He grimaced. Elizabeth could see his expression, but she had no way of knowing just how far down in his boots his stomach was. He'd rather be out fighting a hiveship full of Wraith than have to go over the frat regs of Atlantis with Teyla and Ronan.
"I'll think about it," was all he said.
"John, it's probably better to deal with it now," she pressed. "It's something that you'll have to touch upon sooner or later--"
"I said I'll think about it." Okay, so that was little more emphatic than he'd intended. Elizabeth was regarding him, questions all over her face. "Sorry." He began gathering his stuff together as he rose. "I'll talk to you about the ruins and the planet later."
And he left her sitting at the table, staring after him, an astonished expression on her face.
--
Teyla found him leaning on a balcony railing in the western city, staring out towards the setting sun.
"Dr. Weir was concerned about you."
John shrugged and flicked one of the pebbles he had lined up on the railing so it sailed off into the sea below. It was a habit he'd started when they went offworld - collecting pebbles in his pockets while he was waiting for McKay to run some tests or for Teyla to make contact with the locals. "I'm fine."
"You do not seem fine," she observed.
"Well, as we say on Earth, looks can be deceiving." John flicked another pebble off, noting how far out it soared compared with the previous pebble. "Why didn't Elizabeth come herself?"
"She did not send me," Teyla said. "I came out of my own accord."
"Then why did you come looking for me?" He could feel himself moving to where the ice was thin, felt the recklessness in him that he remembered from Afghanistan and the rescue, felt the tugging undertow of his personal regret dragging him along. John wouldn't get the answer he wanted, but he needed to know that. He needed to know that so he could deal with it; so he could move past it.
Regrets were useless. He had hesitated too long, and lost.
But he could still close the door behind him. At least then, he could move on.
If Teyla understood his meaning, didn't answer him either way. "I was concerned for you. You have been...troubled since your experience changing into the Iratus bug."
That was one way of putting it. "And you've noticed changes in me?" He supposed he could be glad she'd noticed at least, even if she was connecting his behaviour more broadly with his conversion of the previous month, rather than the specific incident that disturbed him.
"Small things," Teyla said. "Your temper is shorter, your patience less. Even Dr. McKay has noticed and he is not given to noticing these things." She hesitated.
"What?"
"It is... nothing." She regarded the pebbles he'd paused in flicking off the railing. "I shall let Dr. Weir know that you merely wish time alone with your pebbles."
A smile touched his mouth as he looked down at his pebbles and she turned away. "Teyla?"
She turned back. "Colonel?"
John frowned. "I said you could call me by my name..."
Wind tugged at the floating strands of hair that always seemed to escape her ponytail. "Yes, John?"
The delicate emphasis on his name made him hesitate, but he figured he was in this far. "What did Ronan ask you before?"
A slow tide of pink infused her skin, visible even beneath the natural olive-gold of her colouring. "A question."
His throat had a lump in it the size of an egg. It made it hard to speak around, but his lips formed the words and he forced the words out. "What question?"
Something like anger crossed her expression, and she lifted her chin, "It was not regarding any relationship you believe he and I might be having."
"So you're not...seeing each other?"
Her eyes narrowed. "By 'seeing' you refer to your earlier concern about a sexual relationship between Ronan and I?"
John managed not to grimace. "Yeah."
"No," she said, clipped and calm. "We are not 'seeing' each other. Nor are we ever likely to."
That startled him. "Never?"
"Considering the rumours about the city," Teyla noted, her voice dry, "I doubt it. We are...private people. And the Atlantis gossip mill is...intimidating."
John could understand that. He'd been the focus of several rumours himself - some true, some not. The rumours usually only made the reality worse.
Although in this case, he supposed he could say the reality was better.
He flicked another pebble off the ledge. Teyla watched it fall, and then turned away, evidently deciding that their conversation was done.
Not quite.
"Teyla?"
"John?"
He didn't move from his position, leaning against the railing. But he did turn his head to look her directly in the eye as he stepped out onto crystal-thin ice. "What would you do if I wanted more?"
This time the flush swept over her skin like a summer storm out on the coast. "I... That is not a fair question."
John wasn't so sure he wasn't flushing. "Just answer it."
"I would say that in the light of your concern about my friendship with Ronan, your intentions bear scrutiny."
"That's not an answer."
"It is not the answer you want."
She was right. That didn't make John any happier.
He waited for her to answer the question, knowing that she would. Teyla wouldn't leave a question unanswered, simply because it was uncomfortable. It was a matter of honesty and trust. And he needed to know: if only so he knew where he stood.
John liked knowing where he stood, even if turned out to be on thin ice with a pair of steel-toed boots. At least then he knew to tread carefully.
"I was...content...with where we were," she said at last. "Before the retrovirus."
"Before I kissed you." He made the words plain and bald, saw her look away. "And now?"
"Now, I wish it hadn't happened if this is how we are to be." Teyla's eyes met his again. "I thought it was behind us."
"It is." He flicked another pebble out to sea. "I just wanted to know what you'd do if I...if it happened again."
"Will it happen again?"
"Not like that."
"Then there is no need to address the matter." She turned away and began walking.
John went after her, caught her arm but let go when she swung around, wary. "I wasn't..." And he was very close to her; close enough to see the flecks of gold in her eyes and the smoothness of her skin. "Teyla..."
He shouldn't. Teyla had made it quite clear that the previous kiss was behind them.
Was it wrong that John didn't want to leave it there? That kiss - possessive and forced upon her - was the only sensual experience she had of him. And they were friends and content - maybe - but John wasn't going to leave her with the memory of that between them. Not if she let him make amends.
So John let his hand cradle her jaw, running his thumb across the smooth coffee of her cheek. He held her gaze as he bent down, moving slowly enough to give her time to reject him, to back away.
She didn't.
This time, she wasn't trying to push him away or fight him. This time, she knew to expect his mouth on hers, his hand resting against her throat.
This time she responded.
Soft and slow, lips moving tentatively across lips, sweet as honey and gentle as a caress.
He forgot the pebbles, the wind, Atlantis, and the frat regs. The only real thing in the universe - the only thing he could be sure of - was the touch of her skin and the warmth of her body.
This time when John lifted his mouth from hers, he felt pleasure rather than possession - saw pleasure rather than fear in her eyes. But even as he leaned down againg, his conversation with Elizabeth echoed in his head, and he paused with his forehead resting against hers. "Teyla..."
Thankfully, he didn't need to explain. Her expression said she understood only too well. "The reasons that you applied to a relationship between Ronan and I apply between us as well." No exceptions.
"And a whole lot of others." John grimaced. "Look, Teyla--"
"We are friends?"
He took a deep breath and fought the urge to lick his lips - fought the urge to lick her lips. "Yeah."
"Then that is enough for the moment." Teyla glanced at him, and for the first time since he'd met her, she seemed uncertain. "Is it enough?"
"For the moment. It'll do." Not as much as he wanted, but the only answer that worked for them both.
Her smile seemed a little careful. Already, she was putting distance between them, and John had the feeling that, come tomorrow, everything would be 'as usual' between them.
As she turned, he caught her arm. "Wait."
John kissed her again.
The last kiss had been for amends; this one was a promise.
And this time, when she pulled away from his kisses, her expression was amused - but also exasperated. "Good night, Colonel."
John watched until the doors closed behind her. Then he turned back to his pebbles, still smirking slightly.
Life was good.
- fin -
NOTES: I couldn't actually get them together at the end: the characters rebelled. So this is more of a 'missing scene' between 'Conversion' and 'Aurora' - a kind of explanation for how things are going to work between them: even with the denial and all.
CHALLENGE: I didn't follow it precisely. I hope the result that the muse came up with is acceptable!
John and Teyla do that stick fighting exercise and John, frustrated and horny, comes on too strong and winds up hurting Teyla slightly. He has also not been practicing, which pisses her off. So he's left to his own devices and feels like there's another suitor for her affections--Ronan Dex--which is why he hasn't seen her in the last couple nights.
Teyla, on the other hand, is completely confused by his attitude and is now pissed and confused, beginning to feel that he doesn't care for her like he said. Ronan, in the meantime, is all too willing to fill the void although he knows he doesn't stand much of a chance. Even an angry Teyla is clearly in love with Sheppard.
It ends up where the two of them (Sheppard and Ronan) "practicing" with the sticks and they wind up trying to kill each other. Teyla tells them both to get lost, although the viciousness with which Sheppard is fighting Ronan lets her know that he is sincere in his affections for her. Sheppard goes to Carson, who starts to tend to his wounds and Teyla comes in to talk to him winds up taking over. Carson goes to take care of Ronan and well, we can go to PG or NC-17 on this ending.
Disclaimers in Part One
Part Two
Part Three
The answer is yes.
John tried not to think about what the question had been.
It was difficult, particularly since it appeared that several of the nursing staff had overheard the exchange, seen Teyla leave the room with a flush on her cheeks, and seen Ronan leave the room with a smug smile on his face a little while later.
Neither of John's teammates were at dinner.
His imagination happily painted pictures that his mind didn't want to entertain and he stared out, off the terrace where he sat at a table alone.
Sometimes our feelings surprise us.
He knew how that went. It wasn't the feelings that were wrong, it was how a man acted on them. He wouldn't have acted on them in any case. Teyla was a teammate and friend, someone who trusted him. John didn't want to lose that.
"Do you mind if I sit here?" Elizabeth indicated the seat opposite him, and he gestured at it with one hand.
"Be my guest." At least with Elizabeth he could be reasonably sure that she wasn't going to talk gossip.
She set down her tray, seated herself, and promptly proved him right. "Major Lorne and his team returned with both 'jumpers," she said. "He said the damage to the spaceport was...impressive."
John half-smiled. "Those drones do an impressive job."
"He and his team also collected up a few bits and pieces that were lying around the place before they left."
There was a question in her statement and John answered it. "Yeah, well, we were kind of busy at the time. No chance to look around." He looked at her. "Anything interesting?"
"Nothing yet." She tilted her head a little to the side, "Then again, Rodney's usually the person most anxious to get hold of anything and everything related to the Ancients."
Which was another reason that they hadn't come back with anything: John had been more worried about his team than about acquisition - other than the new ships, of course.
"Has Beckett said anything?"
She shook her head. "Not yet, but he says the stunners can be hard on an overtaxed body - and you know what Rodney was doing last night."
John grimaced. His teammate had been working on new power designs for the defence chair and had ignored John's prompting at nine and midnight to go to bed. This morning, John had walked into the labs, unsurprised to find the scientist slumped over his mousepad, with the cord leaving a wavy trail across Rodney's cheek.
"We need some kind of drug to use on the scientists when they get too enthusiastic about their discoveries," John said. "Knockout drops, or something to tone them down."
"Keep in mind that anything you suggest can and probably will be used against you," Elizabeth replied dryly. "The scientific contingent isn't the only one with a tendency to overwork." She studied him with green eyes that saw past his casual expression to the tension in his pose. "You're looking tired yourself."
"I'm fine," he said, aiming for an airy tone of voice.
She raised her eyebrows briefly, and then returned to her dinner. "I hear that things might be getting a little more serious between Teyla and Ronan."
John took the question as innocuous. He hadn't mentioned kissing Teyla to anyone, and he was pretty sure she wouldn't have mentioned it to anyone else. "I don't ask," he said shortly. "It's their business, not mine."
"Well, you might have to mention to them the rules regarding fraternisation in the expedition," Elizabeth said, her voice still even.
"They're not expedition personnel."
"Well, no, not exactly," Elizabeth allowed. "But they're still on your team. Atlantis is a lot more lenient than the SGC, John, but there would still be concerns."
He grimaced. Elizabeth could see his expression, but she had no way of knowing just how far down in his boots his stomach was. He'd rather be out fighting a hiveship full of Wraith than have to go over the frat regs of Atlantis with Teyla and Ronan.
"I'll think about it," was all he said.
"John, it's probably better to deal with it now," she pressed. "It's something that you'll have to touch upon sooner or later--"
"I said I'll think about it." Okay, so that was little more emphatic than he'd intended. Elizabeth was regarding him, questions all over her face. "Sorry." He began gathering his stuff together as he rose. "I'll talk to you about the ruins and the planet later."
And he left her sitting at the table, staring after him, an astonished expression on her face.
--
Teyla found him leaning on a balcony railing in the western city, staring out towards the setting sun.
"Dr. Weir was concerned about you."
John shrugged and flicked one of the pebbles he had lined up on the railing so it sailed off into the sea below. It was a habit he'd started when they went offworld - collecting pebbles in his pockets while he was waiting for McKay to run some tests or for Teyla to make contact with the locals. "I'm fine."
"You do not seem fine," she observed.
"Well, as we say on Earth, looks can be deceiving." John flicked another pebble off, noting how far out it soared compared with the previous pebble. "Why didn't Elizabeth come herself?"
"She did not send me," Teyla said. "I came out of my own accord."
"Then why did you come looking for me?" He could feel himself moving to where the ice was thin, felt the recklessness in him that he remembered from Afghanistan and the rescue, felt the tugging undertow of his personal regret dragging him along. John wouldn't get the answer he wanted, but he needed to know that. He needed to know that so he could deal with it; so he could move past it.
Regrets were useless. He had hesitated too long, and lost.
But he could still close the door behind him. At least then, he could move on.
If Teyla understood his meaning, didn't answer him either way. "I was concerned for you. You have been...troubled since your experience changing into the Iratus bug."
That was one way of putting it. "And you've noticed changes in me?" He supposed he could be glad she'd noticed at least, even if she was connecting his behaviour more broadly with his conversion of the previous month, rather than the specific incident that disturbed him.
"Small things," Teyla said. "Your temper is shorter, your patience less. Even Dr. McKay has noticed and he is not given to noticing these things." She hesitated.
"What?"
"It is... nothing." She regarded the pebbles he'd paused in flicking off the railing. "I shall let Dr. Weir know that you merely wish time alone with your pebbles."
A smile touched his mouth as he looked down at his pebbles and she turned away. "Teyla?"
She turned back. "Colonel?"
John frowned. "I said you could call me by my name..."
Wind tugged at the floating strands of hair that always seemed to escape her ponytail. "Yes, John?"
The delicate emphasis on his name made him hesitate, but he figured he was in this far. "What did Ronan ask you before?"
A slow tide of pink infused her skin, visible even beneath the natural olive-gold of her colouring. "A question."
His throat had a lump in it the size of an egg. It made it hard to speak around, but his lips formed the words and he forced the words out. "What question?"
Something like anger crossed her expression, and she lifted her chin, "It was not regarding any relationship you believe he and I might be having."
"So you're not...seeing each other?"
Her eyes narrowed. "By 'seeing' you refer to your earlier concern about a sexual relationship between Ronan and I?"
John managed not to grimace. "Yeah."
"No," she said, clipped and calm. "We are not 'seeing' each other. Nor are we ever likely to."
That startled him. "Never?"
"Considering the rumours about the city," Teyla noted, her voice dry, "I doubt it. We are...private people. And the Atlantis gossip mill is...intimidating."
John could understand that. He'd been the focus of several rumours himself - some true, some not. The rumours usually only made the reality worse.
Although in this case, he supposed he could say the reality was better.
He flicked another pebble off the ledge. Teyla watched it fall, and then turned away, evidently deciding that their conversation was done.
Not quite.
"Teyla?"
"John?"
He didn't move from his position, leaning against the railing. But he did turn his head to look her directly in the eye as he stepped out onto crystal-thin ice. "What would you do if I wanted more?"
This time the flush swept over her skin like a summer storm out on the coast. "I... That is not a fair question."
John wasn't so sure he wasn't flushing. "Just answer it."
"I would say that in the light of your concern about my friendship with Ronan, your intentions bear scrutiny."
"That's not an answer."
"It is not the answer you want."
She was right. That didn't make John any happier.
He waited for her to answer the question, knowing that she would. Teyla wouldn't leave a question unanswered, simply because it was uncomfortable. It was a matter of honesty and trust. And he needed to know: if only so he knew where he stood.
John liked knowing where he stood, even if turned out to be on thin ice with a pair of steel-toed boots. At least then he knew to tread carefully.
"I was...content...with where we were," she said at last. "Before the retrovirus."
"Before I kissed you." He made the words plain and bald, saw her look away. "And now?"
"Now, I wish it hadn't happened if this is how we are to be." Teyla's eyes met his again. "I thought it was behind us."
"It is." He flicked another pebble out to sea. "I just wanted to know what you'd do if I...if it happened again."
"Will it happen again?"
"Not like that."
"Then there is no need to address the matter." She turned away and began walking.
John went after her, caught her arm but let go when she swung around, wary. "I wasn't..." And he was very close to her; close enough to see the flecks of gold in her eyes and the smoothness of her skin. "Teyla..."
He shouldn't. Teyla had made it quite clear that the previous kiss was behind them.
Was it wrong that John didn't want to leave it there? That kiss - possessive and forced upon her - was the only sensual experience she had of him. And they were friends and content - maybe - but John wasn't going to leave her with the memory of that between them. Not if she let him make amends.
So John let his hand cradle her jaw, running his thumb across the smooth coffee of her cheek. He held her gaze as he bent down, moving slowly enough to give her time to reject him, to back away.
She didn't.
This time, she wasn't trying to push him away or fight him. This time, she knew to expect his mouth on hers, his hand resting against her throat.
This time she responded.
Soft and slow, lips moving tentatively across lips, sweet as honey and gentle as a caress.
He forgot the pebbles, the wind, Atlantis, and the frat regs. The only real thing in the universe - the only thing he could be sure of - was the touch of her skin and the warmth of her body.
This time when John lifted his mouth from hers, he felt pleasure rather than possession - saw pleasure rather than fear in her eyes. But even as he leaned down againg, his conversation with Elizabeth echoed in his head, and he paused with his forehead resting against hers. "Teyla..."
Thankfully, he didn't need to explain. Her expression said she understood only too well. "The reasons that you applied to a relationship between Ronan and I apply between us as well." No exceptions.
"And a whole lot of others." John grimaced. "Look, Teyla--"
"We are friends?"
He took a deep breath and fought the urge to lick his lips - fought the urge to lick her lips. "Yeah."
"Then that is enough for the moment." Teyla glanced at him, and for the first time since he'd met her, she seemed uncertain. "Is it enough?"
"For the moment. It'll do." Not as much as he wanted, but the only answer that worked for them both.
Her smile seemed a little careful. Already, she was putting distance between them, and John had the feeling that, come tomorrow, everything would be 'as usual' between them.
As she turned, he caught her arm. "Wait."
John kissed her again.
The last kiss had been for amends; this one was a promise.
And this time, when she pulled away from his kisses, her expression was amused - but also exasperated. "Good night, Colonel."
John watched until the doors closed behind her. Then he turned back to his pebbles, still smirking slightly.
Life was good.
- fin -
NOTES: I couldn't actually get them together at the end: the characters rebelled. So this is more of a 'missing scene' between 'Conversion' and 'Aurora' - a kind of explanation for how things are going to work between them: even with the denial and all.
CHALLENGE: I didn't follow it precisely. I hope the result that the muse came up with is acceptable!
John and Teyla do that stick fighting exercise and John, frustrated and horny, comes on too strong and winds up hurting Teyla slightly. He has also not been practicing, which pisses her off. So he's left to his own devices and feels like there's another suitor for her affections--Ronan Dex--which is why he hasn't seen her in the last couple nights.
Teyla, on the other hand, is completely confused by his attitude and is now pissed and confused, beginning to feel that he doesn't care for her like he said. Ronan, in the meantime, is all too willing to fill the void although he knows he doesn't stand much of a chance. Even an angry Teyla is clearly in love with Sheppard.
It ends up where the two of them (Sheppard and Ronan) "practicing" with the sticks and they wind up trying to kill each other. Teyla tells them both to get lost, although the viciousness with which Sheppard is fighting Ronan lets her know that he is sincere in his affections for her. Sheppard goes to Carson, who starts to tend to his wounds and Teyla comes in to talk to him winds up taking over. Carson goes to take care of Ronan and well, we can go to PG or NC-17 on this ending.
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I find this paragraph extremely captivating. The idea that John would be concerned about that being the only intimate moment between them is very intriguing and endearing.
And, of course, the ending rocked. I can see the smirk on his face even now.
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Ah
You get to the heart of the tension left over from "Conversion": neither John nor Teyla are truly in a position to make any real moves towards one another and at the same time, John has a need to truly make amends, to leave Teyla with a better memory of the man he could be with her.
Nicely done.
Re: Ah
Another story about them dealing with 'Conversion' - as well as 'Lost Boys' - is in the pipeline. We'll see how it turns out.
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And I must apologise, I am writing your gen ficathon request (or at least trying to) and it's now over a month late, but I do have a plot bunny and intend to finish it - just found it impossible to write that one story lately... I know where it needs to go but can't get it there. :s
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If it's any comfort, I haven't finished my genficathon request either. :-/ It began as a simple story and then swallowed whole plotbunnies...
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Great.
Re: Great.
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I really like the way you ended it... I don't read a lot of shippy fics, mostly because they tend to be idealistic when it comes to getting characters together. (I like to call it RWR - "Regs What Regs?") But I digress. My point being, I thought you handled the relationship very well.
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I'm glad you liked it!
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Lovely line here:
The last kiss had been for amends; this one was a promise.
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Thanks for the feedback and I'm glad you liked it.
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Although I think - as Liz says in the story - that the rules in Atlantis might be a little more lenient than the SGC because it's a largely experimental expedition.
But thank you for the feedback - it's good to know that I wrote a solid story!
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I'm so pleased you liked it - I haven't looked over this story in a loooong time.
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I love to read fanfic but I'm terrible at finding the time for it and I usually forget to bookmark things. Having
*fic squee*
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