fic: Whipped

[tielan]

TITLE: Whipped
SUMMARY: Whatever Sheppard might like to think, the man is whipped. Without a doubt.
CATEGORY: Humour, vignette
RATING: G
SPOILERS: None
NOTES: For saeva, who wasn't in the mood to read 'Carved Up' at the time I wrote it for her. I'm not sure that this is necessarily 'better' than the other one, or to her satisfaction, but I hope it raisese her spirits, even just a little. Slightly silly and mildly unlikely, but hopefully with good John-and-Rodney banter.

This also is for fanfic100, prompt #80 - Why?

I am still working on the other challenges - both the prompts you guys gave me and the fanfic100, which I've contemplated giving up - but it's going slowly.

Whipped

Rodney never thought he'd see John Sheppard painting anyone's toenails.

Painting toenails was not something that men did. Of course, 'what men did' was not necessarily circumscribed solely by the traditional 'masculine' roles - to whit, being testosterone-pumped protective cavemen like Ronon - but painting toenails was definitely out of the sphere of 'what men (or, at least, the men of Rodney's acquaintance) did.'

And yet, Sheppard, a military man if Rodney had ever met one, and the reputed Captain Kirk of the Atlantis expedition, was sitting on the couch of the rec room, with Teyla Emmagen's feet on his lap, painting her toenails a rich shade of reddish brown.

Teyla looked up first, her gaze resting pleasantly on Rodney, her eyes asking silent questions about his presence at the entryway. After a moment, when he made no sound, she asked, "Rodney?"

Sheppard's head jerked up, the brush pausing a bare centimetre over Teyla's feet. "Oh. Hey, Rodney." He went a shade of red not that far off from the colour of the polish, and looked back down at his handiwork and coughed slightly. If Teyla was unaware of any social expectations in a man beautifying her toenails, Sheppard knew what Rodney was thinking - or could probably guess. "Um. This isn't what it looks like."

Rodney wondered what the hell it was, then. "So you're not painting Teyla's toes? Because from here, with the nail polish and everything...it certainly looks like it. Maybe I missed the sign outside the room?" Rodney pointed behind and up at the doorframe he'd just passed under. "Sheppard's Beauty Parlour of Atlantis? I'm sure you'll have all the women flocking to have their toenails done..."

The long face darkened like a thundercloud. "McKay..."

"No, really, I'm curious," Rodney said, enjoying this. He was going to get years' worth of teasing out of this unexpected discovery. Sheppard the beautician. Unexpectedly, a rhyme appeared in Rodney's head. Oh, the places you'll go! The blackmail you'll find! When you leave Earth and not-quite-all it's customs behind!

"Teyla noticed that one of the female marines had painted her toenails and...she wanted to know what it was like."

Teyla took over the narrative, slightly hastily. "Colonel Sheppard offered to show me this...custom of yours." She looked from Sheppard to Rodney and back to Sheppard. "I was not aware that it was taboo."

The other guy had turned back to Teyla's toes again, continuing where he'd left off. "It's not taboo. It's just not..."

"Normal? Customary? Usual? Heterosexual?" Rodney asked with a touch of malice. "If I'd had any idea that Sheppard could do pedicures, I'd have asked him to do mine."

"And you're ribbing me about my sexual preferences?"

"Where did you learn to paint nails anyway?"

"Ex-girlfriend," was the terse reply.

"Oh. Well, I guess that would..." Rodney paused. "Sheppard, has anyone ever told you that you're whipped?"

"Not if they had any self-preservation."

"Well, I have lots of self-preservation and I'm going to say it now. You're whipped, Sheppard. Whipped. And you're not even dati--" Rodney paused. "I mean, you're not, are you?"

Now, both of them went the colour of the nail polish, and a few shades darker besides. "No!" John's answer was fast, but Rodney noticed his eyes darted to Teyla's face first.

"No," Teyla said, with a little more composure and a little less emphasis.

"Okay, then. So..." Rodney knew he should leave it. Make his exit and go tell Elizabeth. Or Carson. Ronon might see the amusement factor - or not; it was hard to tell with Ronon. But Rodney had to know. He was a scientist, after all. "Why?"

Sheppard shrugged and went on painting. "Because."

"Not an answer."

The other man just kept at it, ignoring Rodney.

After a moment, and with a glance at Sheppard's expression, Teyla advised, "It is all the answer you will receive, Rodney."

Rodney watched a moment longer, then shook his head, backed out of the rec room, and kept walking.

Whatever Sheppard might say, the man was whipped. Without a doubt.

- fin -

Comments

[saeva.livejournal.com]

Hee! Okay, this amuses me on many, many levels. That's really all I have to say.

- Andrea.

[saeva.livejournal.com]

Oh, and I can totally imagine how the scene started. *giggles*

"For the fifth time since he'd gotten up this morning, John reminded himself that he really just should have stayed in bed. If he had he wouldn't be trying to figure out a way to explain to Teyla that men didn't paint toenails, not unless they were getting something out of it, without looking like a total ass. And he'd tapped out on his looking like an ass in front of Teyla quota for the week already."

- Andrea.

[tielan]

Hee.

"John tried to back up, only to realise that his metaphorical back was already against the metaphorical wall, and if he tried to go any further, his metaphorical shoulderblades would start leaving metaphorical indents. And Teyla had that look on her face - the utterly serious, slightly inquiring look that said she didn't understand Earth customs - or John Sheppard - at all. The one against which John had no defences.

And he did know how to give a pedicure. Was even quite good at it - or so an ex-girlfriend had boasted.

Oh, god, he was actually contemplating this insanity.

If Rodney - or Lorne, Carson, Elizabeth, or anyone in Atlantis - ever found out, John would never hear the end of it..."

[cherryblosomjen.livejournal.com]

I'm loving this little comment thread.

Yay for extra scenes!

[madjm.livejournal.com]

Hee. This story is so very Rodney. I could hear him say every line. And John and Teyla were so freaking cute. John is so whipped. Rodney is just jealous. :)

[tielan]

*snickers*

[snoggingpicard.livejournal.com]

*gigglesnort* Definitely not what I was expecting, but definitely a treat to read. Thanks to this I was sitting here laughing like a loon at the mental image it painted. Shep is so cute...and sooooo whipped! :D

[tielan]

Laughter was my aim. YAY! ;)

[meret.livejournal.com]

Hahahahaha! So cute! :)

[tielan]

Thank you!

*grins*

[(Anonymous)]

Perfect John-Rodney banter. And I love Teyla's "It is all the answer you will receive, Rodney."

~Kim

[tielan]

Thanks. I love John-and-Rodney, I just can't see them slashy.

[ladyjax.livejournal.com]

Let's try this equation:

John + pedicure + making Teyla happy = whipped but in a good way.

Hee!

[tielan]

That's what I thought, too.

;)

[2bluaeryn.livejournal.com]

This is waaaaaaaay to cute. How I would love to see this on the show - LOL. That's for a fun read.

[tielan]

You're welcome! :)

[million-moments.livejournal.com]

LMAO!

[tielan]

Heh. I did the same thing actually. Wrote it in about an hour, then sat back and laughed my ass off.

[infinimato.livejournal.com]

You know, the funny thing is, when I was watching Sateda and Sheppard was all "Teyla wouldn't let me," all I could think was, "You are SO WHIPPED, BOY!"

HA!

[tielan]

*snickers*

That line made me go *blink-blink*

I was all, "John, are you listening to yourself? Do you know how that sounds?"

Yes, the boy is whipped. But it's okay, we love him anyway... ;)

[fugacious-love.livejournal.com]

*giggles insanely*

I can so see John doing this, too.

[tielan]

He'd sorta fall into it and then realise he couldn't get out of it but not be able to think of a way to say 'no' without feeling like a heel.

So he'd do it and make a good job of it - pride in his work.

And Teyla would have the feeling that maybe there's something he's not telling her about this, but she's intrigued by the idea...

I'm happy it made you laugh! *g*

[world-of-blade.livejournal.com]

How cute was that! I usually don't read Sheppard/Teyla...but you are such a good writer, that I can't resist. Loved all the snarky things going on in McKay's lines.

[tielan]

I love writing Rodney. I imagine him to have this internal monologue that's always going, which suits my flow-on writing style, and when I get in the mood to write him snarky, it's all good!

And I hope you'll keep reading the Sheppard/Teyla on this LJ in future! (At least some of it.)

[cherryblosomjen.livejournal.com]

Sweet! After the look he gave Teyla in 3.03, I wouldn't be surprise if Rodney's just jealous.

[tielan]

LOL. Probably. Except that I really can't imagine Rodney doing toenails. *g*

[live-brave.livejournal.com]

Oh, the hilarity! I would pay good money to see that on the show. :D

[tielan]

It would be a classic moment!

And this is why there is fanfic! ;)

[alexceasar.livejournal.com]

Very cute. Wonderful mental picture. And I would LOVE to see that on the show. Good job.

[m00nbrain.livejournal.com]

*Rotfl*
This was exactly what I needed to read.

Thanks :)

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

lolol This was great! Thanks.