...and so I ask myself if I am the stone in your shoe.

[tielan]

"How could anyone love a stone in their shoe?"
~ The Stepmother, Ever After ~

*breathes*

It started with an author called Elizabeth Bear talking about writing the Other without being a dick. Unfortunately, someone pointed out a story of hers which features a magical negro who is 'tamed' by a white woman and stating that it was problematic.

It turned into a big argument about cultural appropriation: who has the right to write about non-whites, how our society perceives and stereotypes the Other (African, Asian, Indian, Oriental, Pacific Islander, Eskimo, Alien), how perfectly nice people can be racist without ever realising it, how it always comes back to the satisfaction and emotional catharsis of white people at the expense of the persons of colour trying to say "I am here, my pain is real, don't ignore what I have to say or dismiss it just because you don't want to hear that you put your foot wrong and might have to apologise."

I'm no good at talking about this stuff - I can't talk about a broader experience, I can only talk about my own experience.

One thing that's repeatedly come up is that white fans feel fandom is their safe space and their place to have fun. That to question the racial assumptions, cultural appropriations, and racist attitudes of fandom is to effectively deny white people their 'safe space', where they can happily squee and post fannishly and never have to question their choices or behaviours or feel guilty about the weight of history upon them regarding racist behaviours, a racist system, and how POC can't hide that they're POC.

And so I sit here and post these thoughts and try to broaden my perspectives and watch as the people who read this journal amble by without ever reading or commenting.

My f-list is primarily fannish. People who like my fic - whatever aspect that might be. People who once liked me. There are a handful of people who are both fannish and people of colour, but they're just that - a handful.

And so I watch the comments rack up on my fiction and wonder if I am the fly in the ointment of my f-list's f-lists.

Am I the crazy lady on the train?

Am I the stone in the shoe?

And if so, are the only options to wince and bear it or to throw the stone away?

Which do you choose?

Do you wince and bear these posts of mine and others like me? Or do you skip over them, safe in the knowledge that tomorrow, next week, next month, I/we/they might post something that you're actually interested in - something that's relevant to you, that doesn't challenge you and your way of looking at the world in any way?

Sometimes I wonder.

Comments

[renisanz.livejournal.com]

Well, being in that even smaller handful that you mentioned, I quite enjoy reading your posts about race. I find them enlightening, and I think it's cool how you're trying to figure things out and kind of find your place in the whole thing. You've said before that you haven't experienced much in the way of discrimination or lack of privilege, but then it comes out in little ways, like a coworker making a the horrible joke from the assumption that you and another guy must be dating/married just because you're both asian.

It's strange for me. I'm subconsciously aware of the "other" perspective I bring to my writing. I think these posts you make about race enrich your writing for me. I remember when I first started reading your fic, I liked the way you portrayed Teyla and John. You write Teyla as a person rather than just an alien.

I became more aware of the subtle differences in how writer's perceive race when I started betaing. Then suddenly, I have my potentially-offensive-use-of-terminology glasses on and I see things (and feel a certain level of obligation) to point it out to the writer where someone else might not have noticed it. Still, I feel a strong sense of naivety at time when confronted with such things, because I'm not one that's quickly offended. I just like to make someone aware of how certain things can be perceived if they're written just so.

But hey, I live in a place where many people think it's perfectly acceptable to sport Confederate flags on t-shirts (http://dixieoutfitters.com/dixie_store), cuz, ya know, it's about "heritage, not hate."

[briar_pipe]

it's about "heritage, not hate."

I feel your pain.

Though I suppose technically that should be, "I feel y'all's pain." (as y'all is now singular)

[renisanz.livejournal.com]

LOL. I read the note about y'all being singular now, and was all like, "Really?" and looked it up. By the time I got down to the part explaining the provincialism of y'all over you all, I was like, "Hey...is she making a joke?"

Yeah...I just woke up. : /

[tielan]

Race discussions and awareness have been a gradual process for me, too - mostly through ladyjax and her friends.

Sometimes I suspect that some people view my growing tendency to post about race issues as "a new layer of paranoia for her to try to infect us with" rather than a new aspect of growth in my personal character.

I see my growing awareness of racial issues, tensions, and the systemic racism that pervades our society as more like the adoption of a new fandom or the inclusion of new friends - a natural part of time and change.

And hopefully, along the way, I've made others aware of how things can be perceived if they're written in a particular way, with someone's 'default race' blinders on.