...and so I ask myself if I am the stone in your shoe.

[tielan]

"How could anyone love a stone in their shoe?"
~ The Stepmother, Ever After ~

*breathes*

It started with an author called Elizabeth Bear talking about writing the Other without being a dick. Unfortunately, someone pointed out a story of hers which features a magical negro who is 'tamed' by a white woman and stating that it was problematic.

It turned into a big argument about cultural appropriation: who has the right to write about non-whites, how our society perceives and stereotypes the Other (African, Asian, Indian, Oriental, Pacific Islander, Eskimo, Alien), how perfectly nice people can be racist without ever realising it, how it always comes back to the satisfaction and emotional catharsis of white people at the expense of the persons of colour trying to say "I am here, my pain is real, don't ignore what I have to say or dismiss it just because you don't want to hear that you put your foot wrong and might have to apologise."

I'm no good at talking about this stuff - I can't talk about a broader experience, I can only talk about my own experience.

One thing that's repeatedly come up is that white fans feel fandom is their safe space and their place to have fun. That to question the racial assumptions, cultural appropriations, and racist attitudes of fandom is to effectively deny white people their 'safe space', where they can happily squee and post fannishly and never have to question their choices or behaviours or feel guilty about the weight of history upon them regarding racist behaviours, a racist system, and how POC can't hide that they're POC.

And so I sit here and post these thoughts and try to broaden my perspectives and watch as the people who read this journal amble by without ever reading or commenting.

My f-list is primarily fannish. People who like my fic - whatever aspect that might be. People who once liked me. There are a handful of people who are both fannish and people of colour, but they're just that - a handful.

And so I watch the comments rack up on my fiction and wonder if I am the fly in the ointment of my f-list's f-lists.

Am I the crazy lady on the train?

Am I the stone in the shoe?

And if so, are the only options to wince and bear it or to throw the stone away?

Which do you choose?

Do you wince and bear these posts of mine and others like me? Or do you skip over them, safe in the knowledge that tomorrow, next week, next month, I/we/they might post something that you're actually interested in - something that's relevant to you, that doesn't challenge you and your way of looking at the world in any way?

Sometimes I wonder.

Comments

[aelfgyfu_mead]

And so I sit here and post these thoughts and try to broaden my perspectives and watch as the people who read this journal amble by without ever reading or commenting.
I've read a few of your fics; I'm not on your flist and you're not on mine, but we intersect sometimes. If I had more time, I'd probably add you to my flist.

I've read a few of your recent posts. I haven't commented until now, because I don't know what to say. I can at least say this: I've been reading an awful lot of posts (mostly from rydra_wong's amazing lists) and doing an awful lot of thinking, and doing very little replying. I think that's a good thing, on the whole.

The bad thing about not commenting is that of course people don't know that I've even read, let alone that I've been learning from them. Maybe I should have commented more, but I felt like saying "great post" sounded condescending, and that was the absolute last thing I wanted to do.

Sometimes a stone in my shoe is useful, because it tells me there's a hole in my shoe, and I need to get a new pair. I'm not always grateful to the stone, but I've learned something useful. I think I've pushed this metaphor as far as I should and should quit now. I don't think you're crazy, and you're not annoying me. I'm a white fan who does like to think of fandom as a safe place, but who already had some inklings it's not always a safe place for everyone. I have a much clearer picture now.

[tielan]

Thanks for replying this time!

Mostly, I wanted to challenge people on how they address topics or conversations that make them uncomfortable. I know at least one person unfriended me because I wasn't as happy with our common TV show as she was, and her attitude was one of "well, this is my happy place, I don't want to listen or admit there are negatives - it spoils my enjoyment."

The response of most people to something that challenges them is to ignore it. And those that need the most challenging are most often the ones to ignore the signs, simply because they can.

I was hoping to jerk a few people out of the 'let's ignore this because it makes me uncomfortable' mentality. I think I reached a few people this time; if there's a next time, maybe there'll be a few more?