...and so I ask myself if I am the stone in your shoe.

[tielan]

"How could anyone love a stone in their shoe?"
~ The Stepmother, Ever After ~

*breathes*

It started with an author called Elizabeth Bear talking about writing the Other without being a dick. Unfortunately, someone pointed out a story of hers which features a magical negro who is 'tamed' by a white woman and stating that it was problematic.

It turned into a big argument about cultural appropriation: who has the right to write about non-whites, how our society perceives and stereotypes the Other (African, Asian, Indian, Oriental, Pacific Islander, Eskimo, Alien), how perfectly nice people can be racist without ever realising it, how it always comes back to the satisfaction and emotional catharsis of white people at the expense of the persons of colour trying to say "I am here, my pain is real, don't ignore what I have to say or dismiss it just because you don't want to hear that you put your foot wrong and might have to apologise."

I'm no good at talking about this stuff - I can't talk about a broader experience, I can only talk about my own experience.

One thing that's repeatedly come up is that white fans feel fandom is their safe space and their place to have fun. That to question the racial assumptions, cultural appropriations, and racist attitudes of fandom is to effectively deny white people their 'safe space', where they can happily squee and post fannishly and never have to question their choices or behaviours or feel guilty about the weight of history upon them regarding racist behaviours, a racist system, and how POC can't hide that they're POC.

And so I sit here and post these thoughts and try to broaden my perspectives and watch as the people who read this journal amble by without ever reading or commenting.

My f-list is primarily fannish. People who like my fic - whatever aspect that might be. People who once liked me. There are a handful of people who are both fannish and people of colour, but they're just that - a handful.

And so I watch the comments rack up on my fiction and wonder if I am the fly in the ointment of my f-list's f-lists.

Am I the crazy lady on the train?

Am I the stone in the shoe?

And if so, are the only options to wince and bear it or to throw the stone away?

Which do you choose?

Do you wince and bear these posts of mine and others like me? Or do you skip over them, safe in the knowledge that tomorrow, next week, next month, I/we/they might post something that you're actually interested in - something that's relevant to you, that doesn't challenge you and your way of looking at the world in any way?

Sometimes I wonder.

Comments

[sparkymonster.livejournal.com]

Emotionally it is really really awful. REALLY awful. Like. Holy shit what the fuck awful.

And I think one of the ways in which racism hurts PoC, is that in our personal relationships with white people (professional, platonic, romantic, etc.) there is this quiet little niggling worry of "please don't reveal yourself to be someone who is OK saying/doing racist things." I always feel bad for having that worry, but honestly that worry isn't irrational. I've had far too many [former] friends reveal themselves to hold racist beliefs.

[tielan]

I've had far too many [former] friends reveal themselves to hold racist beliefs.

To some degree, I can deal with this. To some degree.

I've discovered ingrained racist beliefs in myself before, and I'm dealing with them (after being slapped upside by people who I'm extremely grateful are still talking to me).

But it does hurt when people won't dialogue because "it's not my problem, I'm colourblind" without realising that being "blind to colour" is one way of ignoring that POC struggle - that at one level, it's pretending that the playing field is level, instead of the POC side being sown with stones.

[sparkymonster.livejournal.com]

I've discovered ingrained racist beliefs in myself before, and I'm dealing with them (after being slapped upside by people who I'm extremely grateful are still talking to me).

This is a really good point (although I use the language "prejudice" to refer to that kind of language between people of color). I wasn't thinking about ways in which I've held prejudiced and bigoted beliefs about my friends, but oh god yes. As I've become more aware of racism, prejudice and bigotry, I've become more aware of the ugliness that lies inside me. It's difficult to deal with. And I really do thank god I have friends who go "Sparky. Seriously. That was not OK." AND that I make myself listen to them.

But it does hurt when people won't dialogue because "it's not my problem, I'm colourblind" without realising that being "blind to colour" is one way of ignoring that POC struggle - that at one level, it's pretending that the playing field is level, instead of the POC side being sown with stones.

Yes. And it also ignores an important aspect of my self, my family, my life, my experiences, etc. Have you read this essay on color blind racism (http://www.rachelstavern.com/?p=395)? It's AMAZING.

[tielan]

Good essay for outlining the essentials of 'colourblind racism' vs. 'traditional racism'.

Several of the early commenterss seemed slightly Clueless, though. The admin (Rachel?) was good at answering them, though, so props to her!