meta post: emotional labour

[tielan]

Where's My Cut: On Unpaid Emotional Labor

The MetaFilter discussion

starnise's post
elf's post
siderea's post

And this was prompted by another friend's discussion about 'one-sided relationships in fandom', where a friend will happily inundate you with something ze loves (and you don't) for 3 hours, and then vanishes the instant you start talking about something you love and ze doesn't.

Yes, I've been there.

Emotional labour.

I don't get very meta on LJ anymore; my interests are primarily fannish. But this struck a chord for me in the situation I'm in right now, in the situations of my friends that I'm watching unfold before me.

Comments

[jelazakazone]

kaberett also has a post on this.

[tielan]

Thanks! It's good to read other people's takes on this - their own experiences.

I've just realised that growing up in a family of women (my father left when I was 12 and my mum didn't remarry until I was 26 and had been out of home for 8 years), the issue of emotional labour hasn't come up quite as much in my family relationships. (RL friendships, on the other hand, are a different matter.)

[jelazakazone]

Having been a stay at home mom and housewife for the last 13+ years, I feel this acutely. I can't bring myself to read the thread. I can barely read the snippets. Husband is clueless about the emotional work I do and has this impression that I "do nothing", but at the end of the day, I'm exhausted. Heteronormativity is the worst. And he's a pretty good guy in so many respects.

[tielan]

Oh, yes. It's all the things you do that make things easier - the psychological grease that goes unrecognised.

I have several friends who are stay-at-home mums, and so frequently their husbands (who are otherwise wonderful guys) just don't recognise the effort that goes into making everything flow smoothly.

*hugs*

[jelazakazone]

Well, I wouldn't say that things flow smoothly, but there is a definitely lack of perception. Ugh. Having some major parenting issues at the moment. So stressed with the kids.

[havocthecat]

When you say you've been there, I know you've been there. We don't always share the same pairings, for example, but I know the unique pain of loving a rare pairing or a specific character or show, and feeling like you're shouting into the void while everyone else is into the Really Big Thing.

[tielan]

Oh yes; the hardest thing about being in a small cross-section of fandom - not having many people to share it with.

*hugs you*

[everbright]

Okay I am NEVER hitting the MetaFlilter post b/c starnise's post is already very long and gripping. Holy cow. I am compulsively reading this.