still not digesting quite right

[tielan]

I took Thursday off, because tired and digestive system. Still not convinced that everything is hunky-dory in there, but with a lack of actual evidence, one is left to just deal with it. Some twinges, odd pain, weird sensation at my belly button (might be the yeeterus scar), and lots of gurgling.

Goodbye my love of food!

--

I'm trying to clear up space on my phone, and it's not the easiest thing. I'm having to transfer videos over to my laptop (which will rapidly run out of space) and sort through which ones are worth keeping and which ones I'm not going to use.

I did take a lot of videos for the purposes of setting up a gardening channel, but I'm very bad at videography, and probably not a particularly nice voice to listen to when it comes down to it. Which is a problem when you're trying to make videos!

--

Still trying to decide on whether I'm going into the USA later this year. Disneyland with friends! Actually, this time it's the prospect of visiting LA that's more interesting: food trucks, local colour, spaces and places and people! Things which I wish I'd known to go check out the last couple of times I was in LA...

And on the other hand...there's always the risk. I'm just setting up my travel insurance now, and although I'm listing the US on it (and I'll be visiting California) there's always the uncertainty. One can keep one's head down, sure, but if things go bad...

It's the "if things go bad" that's the roulette wheel, isn't it?

--

Trying to work out how to edit/rewrite/redraft a novel without hating past!self for not getting it right first time.

Anyone have any advice on that front?

Comments

[lilysea]

I took Thursday off, because tired and digestive system. Still not convinced that everything is hunky-dory in there, but with a lack of actual evidence, one is left to just deal with it. Some twinges, odd pain, weird sensation at my belly button (might be the yeeterus scar), and lots of gurgling.

Goodbye my love of food!

That sounds miserable. I'm sorry. I hope you get answers (and solutions) that make the situation at least somewhat less-bad soon!

[tielan]

Thank you! It's not fun, that's for sure.

[kuwdora]

oh no, sorry to hear you're still having digestive issues. body wonkery is so annoying when there's no decent way to pin down evidence.

and I wish I had advice for you on the revisting an old novel draft. I could use some of that myself.

♥

[tielan]

I hate unconfirmed issues. It's like "is it all in my head?" and the thing is, you're feeling it, but there's no reason for it...

...and I think most of us around here have been through this cycle at least once before with some health issue...

I think I'm just going to have to take each scene and...rewrite it as best I can. Hopefully...

[beatrice_otter]

I'm sorry about your digestive issues.

As for not hating your past self for failing to get a story right the first time ... imagine you were talking to someone else. They had made something years ago and it reflected their skill level at the time. Now they were talking about redoing it and asking about how not to hate themselves for doing something then with the skill level they had at the time, instead of the skill they have now, with a LOT more practice. My guess is that you would not think it fair, or right, or rational, for them to be so hard on their past self. Try giving yourself at least as much grace as you would give anybody else in that situation. I know it's a lot harder to apply it to yourself than to others, but sometimes just reframing the situation like that helps me. At least to see when my emotions are leading me astray.

Basically, it would be hating yourself for not having magically been perfect at writing from the get-go. Hating yourself for needing practice and needing to learn. Hating yourself for being human. And that's not right.

And if you can't redo the novel without hating yourself ... maybe find another novel to write instead. A lot of the time, when you have ANY sort of creative project, and you come back years later and go "oh, wow, I know so much more now, there's so much I'd like to fix there!" it's not really ... possible to take the thing you made then and fix the problems with it. You have to do something else with it. Or even if you can fix it, you'll always be seeing the flaws because that's what you have to do in order to fix them, so you'll never be satisfied with it. That's not always the case, but it might be here. Instead of focusing on fixing that particular project, thank it for what you learned while doing it and the practice you got from it, and then take what you learned and make something new, something you can start fresh on.

[tielan]

Ooh, you hit hard. But accurate, too. *hugs*

I guess I'll aim to do some rewriting this week, see how it all goes...

[beatrice_otter]

You're welcome! I hate seeing anyone--but especially people as talented and skilled as you are--fall into the trap of treating themselves and their work ten times worse than they would treat anyone else.

[gingicat]

My sympathies on the digestive stuff continuing. Do you want suggestions?

As far as the novel, think of it as a thesis - no graduate student ever got their thesis right the first time. And at least two novelists I read send their novels through extensive peer review and revision before publication, and I buy all their stuff.

[tielan]

I will definitely take suggestions!

And thank you for the idea of looking at it like a thesis. (Not that I've really done one of those in about 25 years, and mine wasn't very good.)